I'm With You

The time had come.
Spock had already melded with his two lovers, they had said their final goodbyes, even with Jim in a coma.
McCoy had wrestled with the fact that he could do nothing to stop this terminal illness.
It was time to let Jim go.

“You know we must.” The Vulcan soothed the older of his two lovers with a hand on his shoulder.
“There’s got to be something I haven’t tried.” McCoy insisted, his whole body shaking with grief as he buried his face in his hands, if only to block out the image of Jim, pale and thin, lying on the biobed in the same coma that had kept him in that state for two weeks.
“You have done your best. You were aware that this disease is incurable, and yet you attempted to find the cure anyway. That is proof enough that you love him. It is time to let him go, Leonard.” Spock said calmly.

“How dare you!” McCoy suddenly shouted, smacking Spock’s palm away from his shoulder. “How dare you stand there and insist that it’s time to kill him, as if it comes so easily to you!”

“He is suffering, doctor.” Spock brought his hand back to his side.
“He’s not suffering.” McCoy murmured. “He’s too sedated to be suffering. He doesn’t feel any pain. If I can just keep him alive…”
“Then what?” Spock said, his voice tensing with anger. “Then you can keep the once-great captain Kirk a vegetable in a bed while his brain slowly deteriorates and his body atrophies, and you will have me meld you with him every now and then so you can remind him that you love him.”

“It’s better than just letting him die!” McCoy howled.
“It is selfish, doctor. We have spoken with him. His wish is to die. He does not want to remain like this. He doesn’t want to be remembered as the captain who was kept alive long after he was meant to die.”
“Heaven knows you’re not going to be selfish! I have the right!” McCoy’s voice cracked and his eyes pricked hot with tears. “You’re acting like you don’t even care! How can you be so heartless, Spock!? How can you stand there and so willingly give him up! I don’t think you ever loved him!”

“That is enough, doctor.”

Spock’s voice wavered in his chest, but his face remained strong.
“I have always loved Jim. And my love for him is precisely the reason I wish to let him die. He may not be suffering physically, but his mind is. He will forever be trapped within his own head, living slowly in his mind between melds, possibly going mad waiting for the next to come. It is this reason that we must let him go, doctor.”
“I don’t believe you.” McCoy scoffed, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t believe you. If you truly loved him, you would do everything in your power and more to keep him alive.”

“If you truly loved him,” Spock countered, “You would abide by his wishes to die, regardless of your own wishes.”

McCoy’s fists shook by his side. He couldn’t stand this anymore. He stood up at some point in the argument, and now his legs shook as well. “I can’t make this decision right now.” He sighed, closing his eyes. “I’m going to go walk off some of this energy. Don’t do anything until I come back.”
He walked quickly out of sickbay, ready to scream and hit something, much like a child.

Spock was feeling a similar concoction of emotions. Helplessness, rage, fear, and a deep, deep depression.
He ran a knuckle down Kirk’s jaw, his lower lip trembling and his eyes blurred with tears. They streaked down his face as he sat at the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through the incapacitated captain’s silky hair.

“I love you, Jim.” He murmured, pressing a shaky kiss to the man’s forehead. “I love you.”

He reached over to the life support and flipped the switch.